Story Time: Grandma's Retirement Celebration

Last month (January 10th), my family came together to celebrate my Grandma's retirement!  She has worked with the Bethany Child Development Center for the last 35 years.  She's such a hard worker ^.^   It was awesome to see how far-reaching my Grandma's work was.  She touched so many families within the church and in the community and I'm so blessed to be able to call her MY Grandma.  Anywho, instead of writing a long post about the ceremony, I decided to share some photos from the program. You even get to see some of her spunkiness in a few of the photos.  I always joke that the women in my family have no "act-right" and I totally love that about her.  So yeah, enjoy a snippet of my Grandma Addie's retirement celebration!

My Aunt, Grandma, & Mom

Grandma sang 'To God Be the Glory".  I can't say I've ever heard her sing before.  I was a teary mess :)

Grandma and her daughters

Three Generations ^.^

Enjoy your retirement, Grandma!

Story Time: Happy Holidays 2015

I love how the year ends with Thanksgiving and Christmas!  It's like, 'Congratulations! You made it! Now eat a whole lotta food with your family!'  This past holiday season was nothing different in that sense.  I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas days with my family and we ate lots of food... albeit later than expected, but what's new?

I did feel different this year tho.  There was a distinct lack of super-christmassy spirit... but I attribute it to the long hours of work at the studio.  Spending the whole day convincing other people's families to smile is quite draining.  But anyway, I made it through!  Yay me!

This December I decided to try my hand at creating a December Daily scrapbook (link) and I'm so glad I did!  Telling a story each day and remembering to take pictures was monumental in me actually making memories of this holiday season.  Now doing the December Daily album was hard!  I'm still working on finishing up the last few pages.  I'll be sharing it on here soon.  ^.^ yay!

Next November/December I want to take even more pictures (God willing) and maybe do some video.  I know that even though I look like a crazy person snapping random pictures of little bits of life, looking back on them will be great.  Lamar really liked looking through the album and he kept telling me how cute I was for doing it.  Maybe next year, instead of only December Daily, I'll make it a holiday album and start it at Thanksgiving and keep on through New Years.  That's really ambitious, but it would be awesome to have!

Some of my favorite memories of this past holiday season are:
1.  quality family time / skyping with my family
2. finishing the breast cancer survivor afghan
3. secret santa with friends and family
4. our christmassy bedroom
5. Ryan white elephant gift exchange

How was your holiday season?  Does your family have any particular traditions?

I Am Here

Last month I had the opportunity to walk around downtown Winter Garden before all the businesses opened and all the hubub began.  It was quiet and peaceful as everything was slowly waking up.  The sun had just risen and I was walking through a picturesque community towards the lake.  The trees filtered the morning sun is such a way that you can't help but see everything as beautiful. 

All at once, I had a strange realization.  I said to myself, "I am here."

It was an odd moment... in the way that deja vu is odd... feeling like you've done a thing before.  But this was the opposite.  It was a keen and clear understanding that I was physically present in that exact moment in time.  Have you ever felt like that?

I felt like I was seeing the world for the first time.  The sky, the trees, the lake.  I remembered past times when I was in the midst of depression and had to remind myself to see the beauty in these things.  And here I was.  Walking down a random Florida sidewalk.  Experiencing my life.  This was my life... is my life.

Sometimes it's hard to remember that living is good.  Especially when I hit a particularly bad downswing and I know the fight out will be hard.  In times like that I find myself just trying to keep my head above the waves... you know?  Just don't drown.  The walk to the lake that day gave me a memory to hold on to and occasionally I think about it.  It brings me a peaceful feeling.  I am here.  I am alive.  At times, life gets monstrous and terrible things happen to people I love, but we are still here.

It reminds me there is always hope that the blue skies will come back.  And we'll feel the sun again.

---

I can honestly say that this isn't quite where I saw this blog post going.  But hey, that's the beauty of writing.  Sometimes the words take over.  The last month or so has been rough for me.  Everything was out of place.  My emotions.  My sleeping.  I felt like I wasn't... here... Like not connected to this world.  Floating just above the surface.  Thankfully, I think I'm coming out of it now.  I feel more positive and I'm hoping it stays around for a while.

About a Stressball

Near the beginning of the year I had a short conversation with my mother-in-law about my struggles with anxiety.  Now while I understand that anxiety is just something I deal with, and I've found various ways of working through moments, it is by NO means something I want to go into detail with my mother-in-law... Just a wee bit embarrassing. But she listened and said, "well, I'll get you a stressball."  I went away from the conversation and didn't think about it anymore.

A few weeks ago, she came up to me at church with a bag.  She said, "I know you think I forgot, but I was talking to a teacher at work who also has the same 'problem' as you.  She suggested trying these things to help."  In her gift bag was a can of cashews, coconut oil, a notepad and little box for prayers and worries, and finally a stressball.  It was so thoughtful! And of course, in true Caleisha form, I cried.

I'm pretty sure that was the moment I really believed that my in-laws love me.  It's a pretty great blessing to have in-laws that care about you and feel like family.  I mean, you always hear or see things like 'monster-in-law' and other crazy depictions of in-laws. People are always warning, "remember you're marrying the person and the family..."  I am very grateful for my new extended family.  They've been such a blessing as Lamar and I start out in this married thing :)

So yeah... This is a story about a stressball.  And it reminds me of how much more love had come into my life!

Story Time: 1 Kings 19:11-13

The other day I was re-listening to chapter 19 of 1st Kings and I heard this passage that I somehow missed the first time I listened.  Here is the passage:

And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord.  And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake: and after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.  And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave.  And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here Elijah?
[1 Kings 19:11-13]

This passage has stuck with me throughout the last few weeks.  If has me thinking about how often we expect God to come like a hurricane wind or earthquake or the fire... but He is often that whisper.   It's almost as if the scripture is warning us not to miss who God is while focusing on what we think He should be.

I love the idea of God as a whisper.  And I love that He is also that great storm.  Thinking of God as having both of these qualities really gives a clearer picture.  He is the kind, comforting, inviting God who sees me.  He is the hurricane, the earthquake, the pillar of fire - the Mighty God.  He is the beginning and end of everything there is and the sustainer of life.  He is the protector and provider.  The builder and the breaker.  He is all these things, but still bends low to hear me.  He numbers the hairs on my head and knows my deepest hopes.  This is my God.

My Tattoo Story

Behind this tattoo is a set of burn scars I gave myself during my battle with depression.  Burning became my coping mechanism.  My "if you can take this, you can take anything" thought pattern.  So I would sit and burn stripes onto my wrist in hopes I would somehow develop the strength to make it through the night and tomorrow.  Whenever I got down or overwhelmed I'd light a candle, hold a razor over the flame, and press the metal against my skin.  The worst of those scars are behind this tattoo.

The symbol is the Wawa Aba.  It represents a person that has persevered through hard times.  It says this person is tough.

I am tough.

This tattoo is five years old now and fading, but it is still a reminder that I promised not to harm myself in the face of any sadness.  It's a reminder of where I've been and where I've been carried out of.

Story Time! I had a Dream

A couple days ago I had a rather interesting dream.  In this dream, there were hundreds and hundreds of bat looking demons.  They were locking themselves together in the sky to block out the sun.  From where I stood, I could see more and more of these things coming from underground.

Soon they had blocked the sun to the point that it was just a dark spot that didn't even hurt to look at and everything was bathed in this dark red color.  All the people were afraid and everyone was crying and yelling "They've blocked out the sun! What do we do!?"

In the midst of the chaos, a person came forward and started singing worship songs to God.  As the person sang, some others joined in and the demons started to fall from the sky.  More people joined in and more demons fell.  As long as the people kept worshiping God the demons failed, but when they stopped worshiping, the demons would start trying to block the sun again.

That was the whole dream. 

Now I have a theory about dreams... most dreams I forget upon waking and try as I might, I cannot recall them.  Sometimes, as in the case of this dream, I remember them after waking and all throughout the day.  These are the dreams that I believe are meant to be shared and always have some sort of lesson in them.

When I woke up, I immediately related the dream to my emotional life.  To me, the demons represented depression/anxiety and the sky was me.  There are days when I feel like the sadness is flooding me and threatening to block out all the light.  It seems like there is no way out from under it, but it is in those darkest times when my spirit is crying out, "The light is gone! What do I do!?" that I should stop and worship God.

He is the all powerful One who is full of mercy.  He will clear away the darkness and bring me back to the light as long as I keep my eyes and heart on Him.

I just wanted to share this with you :) Have a wonderful day!

Story Time! God's Protection

A couple months ago my brother-in-law and I were running an errand in my car when it began to rain.  Now my tires weren't in good condition by any stretch of the imagination and he rarely ever drives it.  So as you can guess, we hydroplaned.  Don't worry, we barely lost control at all.  Anywho, when we got to our destination, we looked at the tires to see if there was any damage.  They were nearly completely bald. 0.0  I made a mental note to get them replaced.  And we went about our business.

In the days following, I started noticing that my steering wheel was shaking quite a bit, it felt like the car was limping, and the breaks started making all manner of noise. (Sidenote: normally you know when your breaks are going because they start to whine, then squeak, then squeal, then scream... mine just jumped straight to screaming.)  I asked Lamar to take a look at it.  He took a Sunday evening to change the breaks and figured he'd ask one of his mechanic friends what the shaking could be.

When he took the driver side tire off to change the breaks, we got to see how good God is first hand.  This was the nearly totally bald tire and on the inside edge the rubber had ground down to the wires.  Those exposed wires were shredded and the tire insides were bulging out.  It was that bulge that was making the car limp/shake.

I could only praise God for keeping me as I was driving to and from work and in the rain and in traffic... because that tire looked like it was going to blowout at any moment.  Needless to say, I got a replacement tire the next day!

This whole experience reminded me of this text:

For He shall give His angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.  They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.
Psalm 91:11-12

Praise be to God for His continuing protection.  This is what my parents mean when they pray for Him to keep us from dangers "seen and unseen."