Perks and Me

Last night I saw The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

In my head, I have sooo much to say about the awesomeness of the book and movie, but I still can't find the words to express it.  I read the book in high school after one of my friends suggested it.  I want to say it was... maybe 11th grade or so.

The main character, Charlie, resonated with me SO strongly.  Maybe it's the anxiety of being new or the feeling that you are so different from those around you or maybe it's the creeping realization that no one notices you.  There were so many moments while watching the movie that I couldn't help but to think back to my experience in high school.  Luckily for me, I had a couple friends that stuck after middle school.  My high school was a trade school, so we all had to pick 'shops' to study.  I chose Visual Communications which was the "artsy" shop with illustration classes and layout design and sign making.  There was a 'joke' around the school that whenever you saw anyone weird (spiked/dyed hair, JNCO pants, crazy make-up, etc) or even the quiet out-liers like me, they were most likely in VisComm.  We oddballs tended to band together like that.

So I had people. I had friends.

That's not to say that I never walked into the cafeteria and didn't feel that snake of anxiety squeeze the air out of me while trying to figure out where to sit.  I'm almost 27 and still feel that way in settings like that.  Charlie was like a concentrated version of all the hard things about HS life.  He was very real.  I felt (while reading the book and watching the movie) that we would've been friends.

Unlike Charlie, I haven't had any friends commit suicide.  I have had too many suicidal friends.  That could be another reason his story is so close to me.  I remember having to be "the strong one" for a friend who was in and out of psych hospitals.  She would come back to school with cuts down her wrists... the 'right' way.  I still remember how she'd look.  Hollow eyes. One day I walked out of class and cried in the hallway because I couldn't fix her. My history teacher came out and told me that he knew it was hard on me, but I had to be strong for her because she can't hold herself up.  I took that in.  And I've been that person ever since then.  Always trying to be the strong one... holding everyone up.  But I digress... Charlie felt everyone's pain. He saw people for what they were. Behind the masks we create.  He knew what it was to want to fix everyone... to save everyone, but he also learned that he couldn't.  I guess I'm still learning that.

I love this character so much because while he is an illustration of the horrible parts of growing up and some really effed up things happen to him, he works his way through.

"And in that moment, I swear, we were infinite."
He said he felt infinite.  And to someone that knows how finite life really is, that statement, right there is perfect.

Tuesday Favorites #5

Hello there :)

Today is day two of Caleisha as the account-mutant (if you dont understand, you should watch Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium).  I'm still buried beneath a ton of paperwork, but I'm still enjoying the challenge of learning a new thing. 

I feel like my eyes have been reopened to Oakwood. Like I am seeing all the things I loved about this place again... they had gotten so skewed and foggy because of where I was.  I'm remembering how great it is to be able to begin the work day with a group worship, to hear someone praying with a coworker as I walk to the time clock, or to get a 'have a blessed day' goodbye on the phone.  These are the things I love most about this place. I'm so glad that my cloudiness has been shaken so they're visible again.

I'm feeling very peaceful... even in the midst of the actual chaos of being in an unfamiliar situation/job. I've found myself really appreciating the huge glass door that takes up the back wall of this office. I have a great view of the trees on the inside of OU campus.  Theyre like a constant source of calm each time I look over my shoulder.  Plus, my Melody Gardot Pandora station is so wonderful. I haven't listened to it in quite a long time, since there were so many restrictions in my old office.

On my lunch break... I'm loving this right now.

I was thinking about Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium and I really think I'm going to watch that after work today.  It is such a purposeful movie- completely full of those 'follow your heart' sentiments and 'appreciate each moment' thoughts.  My favorite quote from the movie is:

"37 seconds... We breathe. We pulse. We regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. 37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime."

 It makes me think, when was the last time I just enjoyed 37 seconds?  Enough writing about it. I'm going to go now & enjoy the rest of my lunch break. :)

Peace.