Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Chaos or Control: A How I'm Feeling Post

Every so often I find myself in a moment of struggle between chaos and control.  I think "I have too many things on my to-do list to fall apart this early in the day" but at the same time I know that holding myself together is likely to take a while anyway.  SO what makes more sense? Let go and let the anxiety/melancholy wash over and hopefully go on by... or buckle down for the eminent fight against it.

I have these mental debates quite a lot actually.  And I don't know why I even entertain them because I always choose to fight.  Or at least I choose to try to fight. Sometimes I lose, but I think the knowledge of how beastly that seemingly small melancholy can get is what keeps me fighting it off. 

To be completely honest, I do wish that I could drop all the weapons and tricks I've learned over the years and let Mel have it's way.  I always think in the back of my mind that that would be easier.  Just like sitting in a cold bath... eventually you go numb to it... eventually it feels warm.  There's something that seems SOOO comforting about that thought.  Like it would do me good.  But I know how Mel works.  Eventually I wouldn't be able to get out.  *shrug*

So, onward in this fight for control.  Onward with the deep breathing and the meditation music.  Onward with the prayers.  Onward with the deliberate actions.  Onward with forcing my head up.  Onward with smiling.  Onward with working.  Onward with the fight.

I just had to get this out.  If you read this, thanks.

Monday, August 3, 2015

It's a Dog's Life: Mutt's Day 2015

Last Friday (July 31st) was Mutt's Day!  As doggy-mommy to two rescue dogs, Kiva & Tootie, I planned on doing a full day-in-the-life photo post about them.  But alas I didn't have time on Friday.  Instead of the day-in-the-life idea, Lamar and I took them on a nice long walk Sabbath afternoon.  After the walk we sat in the backyard enjoying the breeze.  Kiva laid in the grass cooling off and Tootie rolled around in the dirt :)

Saturday, August 1, 2015

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Friday, July 31, 2015

Month in Review: July 2015

And just like that... July is over.

This was a pretty good month for me.  In thinking about this post, I went back through my planner, Facebook timeline, instagram, and blog to see what all I actually did.  It was really cool to see a list of what happened during this month.  I definitely will do this again!  So here's my month in review for July.

7/2:  My friend Cherie shared this video on my Facebook .  It is absolutely ridiculous and I cried laughing ^.^

7/3:  I did my first two scrapbook pages and the first person I showed them to (after Lamar duh!) was my mom.

7/4:  Bee and I flew kites together.  Read about that -here-.

7/5:  I created blog post tracking stickers for my planner.  I really credit my consistent blogging to this new bit of organization!

7/11:  Miss Bee started her blog - Sugar Sweet Bee!  I'm always excited to see my friends starting new projects.  I'm eager to see where blogging takes her :) Check her out -here-!

7/18:  Lamar turned 35! Whooo hoooo!!!And like grown-ups, we went to a trampoline arena and jumped around like the kids we actually are on the inside ^.^  See the photos -here-.

7/23:  I made these watercolor journal cards for my scrapbook.  I've been itching to get into watercolor painting and now that I've done these, I wanna create some new ones!  Plus, I've been watching hand lettering videos on Youtube so I want to try that soon.  Wish me luck on that ^.^

7/24:  On this night, I was rebraiding my hair and noticed how crazy my "kitchen" was (the kitchen is the hair on your neck... just in case you were wondering lol). So I asked Lamar to shape it up for me.  This was a special moment for me because the last person to give me a shape up , besides a stylist, was my dad.

7/25:  We danced the night away with friends!  It was so much fun paying Dance Central and A LOT of exercise!

7/27:  I sold the Leo baby blanket! (See progress shots of it -here-)  It was such a motivating feeling to know that my crochet work can sell!

7/28:  I took that motivation and positivity and put in some real Etsy work!  I started writing my descriptions and made a list of other housekeeping things.

7/29:  Lamar and I had a date day!!  We bought some boiled peanuts from a roadside market and then had lunch at Steak&Shake.  Then we stopped at Ross, the library, and the Dollar Tree.  When we got home, we worked on a puzzle.  A 500 piece puzzle... as frustrating as those teeny tiny pieces were, it was a really fun thing to do with him. :)

7/31:  I got my eyes checked... they haven't gotten worse! Whoop!  Now I wanna go and find some 'fun & funky' glasses!

Throughout the Month
  • I blogged regularly and promoted the posts over my Facebook and Instagram. (working on that #30by30!)
  • I haven't killed my garden... though it's quite the struggle.
  • I finished my first scrapbook, but then decided to add in more pages ^.^
  • I've made it through Joshua & Judges in my Bible reading.  I discovered that my iPad Bible app has an audio setting, awesome!
Goals & Plans for August
  • Finish Cherie & Kwame's wedding photobook
  • Get all products listed on Etsy
  • Design logo and look for Etsy shop
  • Crochet a top or shirt
  • Organize a Suicide Awareness yarn bombing
  • Look into Bible journaling and maybe start 
Welp, there you have it! July in the life of Caleisha... I just realized how long this post is so if you got this far you are a rockstar! Thanks for reading and I hope your July was awesome!

What are some of your goals/plans for August?

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Garden Update: The Balancing Act

This week's garden update is not a typical one.  I recently thrifted a book called "Knit Together: Discover God's Pattern for Your Life."  In the first chapter, the author, Debbie Macomber, made a very interesting comment about being patient while trying to find your passion/purpose.  She wrote,
 "I understand what it means to be impatient for your dream to take rood and grow.  Even though I knew from my own experience how important patience was, once I sold that first novel, I found myself in a competitive trap, walking faster and faster on a treadmill, comparing my career with others', wanting what they had.  Eventually, I discovered the need for balance, for insight and emotional strength.  I made it my goal to enjoy every step of the journey instead of being greedy for more and more."
Strangely enough, while reading this bit I kept thinking about my gardening experience.  More often than not I am grumbling about the slow going of raising a container garden.  I'm comparing myself to my friends that have these beautiful, flourishing gardens that seemingly grow effortlessly.  There are veggies everywhere and even surprise sweet potatoes that pop up while weeding!  It's like everyone else is literally seeing the fruits of their labor, and here I am struggling.  I'm plodding along trying to keep the pests at bay and praying everyday for ONE cucumber.  Just one!  I think, if my plant bears one cucumber I'll know I'm not a failure.  If my plant bears one cucumber I'll know I didn't waste my time and money.  If my plant bears just one. single. solitary. cucumber I'll know that I can accomplish that new thing I set out to do.  I just need that one cucumber...

I'll be honest, I don't know how to balance wanting my garden to succeed and enjoying the journey.  It's very hard to say "I am glad to be doing this" when there seems to be no forward motion.  It's hard to enjoy the journey when the road is so full of potholes and setbacks.

This is my life.

Constantly wondering if my time is being wasted.  Thinking if I land that one job everything will be right.  It is a balancing act.  Very true.  Walking a tightrope between dreams and reality... between what I want and what I have... what I want to be and what I am.  I wish I could tie this post up with a neat bow, a happy ending... some wonderful epiphany about how the light switch flipped and suddenly I understood exactly how to walk that rope, but I can't.  I just have to wait and see what grows.

At least cucumber flowers are pretty.

yellow cucumber blossom flower

Monday, July 27, 2015

Simple Things: Go Fly a Kite!

flying kites with friends

A few weeks ago one of my friends posted a Facebook status and tagged it #InNeedOfACatharsis.  I responded to it in the most logical and adult way possible and suggested we fly kites. ^.^ as it turned out, she had never flown a kite before. Hurray for first time kite flyers!

flying kites with friends

So after church one Sabbath we got together for lunch and kite flying.  It was really cool to be able to introduce her to a new thing.  There was lots of screaming when we thought the kite was going to crash and lots of excitement when we saved it. We even got it stuck in a tree, lol! And check out that awesome rainbow behind her! I wish I could've gotten a shot with her, the rainbow, and the kite... but alas we were at the mercy of the wind :)

One of the best things she said about flying the kite was something like 'why do I spend so much money to do things when something as simple as flying a kite is so much fun'...  That is such a true statement.

flying kites with friends sunny day activity

Often times we get caught up wanting to do something "awesome" when the simple pleasures would be enough.  Now the big fancy activities are all well and good, don't get me wrong! But there's something to be said of simpler things, like flying a kite, taking a bike ride, going on a hike, or playing board games.

So yeah, do something simple this week ^.^