What are you afraid of?

Recently I stumbled across this youtuber/blogger named Maya. Her channel is Shameless Maya and you should definitely check her out (YOUTUBE // BLOG).  Anyway, she started the youtube channel as an experiment to find out what would happen if she shameless promoted herself and art for a full year.  I've probably watched like 15 of her videos, and throughout the challenge it's interesting to see how she's become more confident in herself and more... fearless.  

A lot of her videos are very inspiring and uplifting and make you want to DO things.  In one she asked her mom for any wise words for her viewers. Her mom said, "Do what you love and love what you do."  I've heard that statement soo many times and always think, "yeah that's a nice sentiment... you should do what you love... that would make life so much better. Duh..."  But I never really embrace it even though now I am working a job where I love what I do and have so much fun doing it. I just feel like there's more I could be doing. 

Honestly, I think that 'more' has to do with the crochet work/designing I do.  I really do love... yarn... I feel like that makes me SUCH a granny for saying that, haha.  Anyway, I love sitting in front of the computer watching youtube videos and crocheting flowers or granny squares or just working on different ideas and seeing how they flesh out. So... I've been toying with the idea of starting an Etsy shop for probably two years now.  I kept saying things like: I'm gonna start it when I get stock built up, or I don't have the perfect name for it yet, or I'm moving so I can't start it now.

There was always a reason why I couldn't or wouldn't do it. 

Yesterday I watched one of her videos about fear.  What is fear? (click for VIDEO) What do you do when there's something you're afraid of doing...  It kinda lingered in my mind and today I woke up and thought what are you afraid of? What have you got to lose by starting this Etsy shop? Of course the same list of excuses started flooding into my head. 

No stock
No name

So I started thinking about the first name I was going to use: Epiphaneia.  But as much as I like the idea of it (Greek root of epiphany) it's rather hard to spell.  This led to me brainstorming that idea. 
Call it Aha Moment Crochet! Nope stupid...
Ok.  Call it Lightbulb... nah girl
Well, how about calling it The Light.  The Light Crochet. 

When I said that, it reminded me of a poem by my friend Afreevoice called The Light. It's one of my favorite poems of his, particularly when he says,

I spit flames and wait for the echo...
Then step to the side
To get out of my own way.

That's what I thought about when I said I should name this shop The Light.  I should start it, name it The Light, and get out of my own way.

Get. Out. Of. My. Own. Way.

There are soo many things in my life that I don't do or that I've been afraid to do simply because I am standing in my own way.  I know I can do them. I know that I have the skill and ideas and creativity, but I'm standing in my way. I'm blocking myself from experiencing whatever may happen by me doing whatever it is I feel in my heart I should be doing.  (That sentence was almost confusing ^.^)

All that being said, what am I afraid of?

I'm afraid of failure.
I'm afraid that I'm going to start this shop, make product, photograph them, put them up for sale and no one's going to buy them. 
I'm afraid that I'm coming into it too late.
I'm afraid that the people that know me won't want to support me.

I'm afraid of all these things, but my fear reactions for too long have been flight or freeze. I either run away from the thing that scares me or freeze and do nothing.  My reaction has never been to fight and I think that's what really needs to change.  It's fine to be afraid of something.  It's fine to have that bit stress or anxiety, but it's your reaction to it that really makes the difference.

Another poet, Marty McConnell, said in one of her pieces,

"Raging fear of where you're headed is the sure sign you're traveling in the right direction."  

So I suppose being afraid of starting and failing should make me want to start. If I fail, and it crashes and burns completely I'll be able to say I did it ^.^  Then one day, I can tell my daughter that it doesn't matter what happens, if you have a desire or an idea or something you should do it and not worry so much about what happens if you fail or no one else likes it.  Do it for you.  I'll probably say something like, "Yeah punkin, your mom wanted to start a shop and sell crochet blankets.  I did and win or lose, I'm happy."

So I started my etsy shop. 

The Light Crochet

Let the adventure begin!