Monday, January 18, 2016

Contradiction: A How I'm Feeling Post

Recently I purchased the book 'Do What You Are' by Paul D. Tieger & Barbara Barron and it's got me quietly having an identity crisis.  The book is basically a career guide based on the Myers-Briggs personality types.

About five years ago, I was working as a team leader in a call center and in one of our training classes, we took the Myers-Briggs.  My result was: INFJ (introverted, intuitive, feeling, judging).  The description of that type was/is spot on.  So over the years, whenever I come across anything Myers-Briggs related I'd take a peek at the INFJ section.  Now last night, when I started reading the book, I thought, "It's been a while, lemme find an online assessment and retest myself."  I did two and both came out INFP (introverted, intuitive, feeling, perceiving).  After reading both chapters in the book, INFJ & INFP, I saw that they both describe me...  Um... whaaat??  I mentioned this on my social media asking if I can be a blend of both types, and one of my friends said yes.

Now, that got me thinking.

In high school, I took the left brain/ right brain assessment.  When I finished and we went over the results, I was the only person in the class split evenly down the middle.  Of course I thought I had done something wrong, but my teacher said there are people that are "both" brained.  They are evenly as likely to be "logical" or "artistic". 

When I started college, we took the four temperaments test.  That test told me I was Melancholic/Sanguine.  Which by the administrator's description was sad/happy or even (serious, introverted, moody, susceptible to depression)/(lively, social, carefree, artistic).  At least that time I wasn't the only blended one.  There was another girl and we still call each other sisters to this day :)

Then last night after retaking the Myers-Briggs, I came across the "Top Brain Bottom Brain"assessment (which I'd never heard of before).  Of course I took it :) I felt like that one was more fair because I didn't know what characteristics the top and bottom carried.  My results:  Tendency not to rely on Top/Tendency not to rely on Bottom... seriously?!

So yeah... all this personality hubub has given me a realization.

I am a walking contradiction... but I don't think that's a bad thing.

There are a lot of times when I feel a distinct duality in my thought process or patterns.  When I can make perfectly sensible arguments for both sides of a situation.  This became a huge problem when I was depressed because I would reason myself to a standstill and end up doing nothing.  I remember feeling like there were literally two Caleishas.  Which sounds quite weird, but it was real.  It's good to know that it's OK that I'm not specifically one thing.  My mind contradicts itself.  My personality/temperaments ebb and flow between extremes.  I go from introverted feeling to extroverted feeling...  I'm allowed to be lively and moody.

I think if I can learn how to cultivate both extremes of my personality, I will be better able to find a place to belong.  I'll feel more grounded and less off balance.  And with my 30th birthday right around the corner, this is the best time to be mindfully addressing this.

Websites I visited
The Personality Page
Myers-Briggs Test
Another Myers-Briggs Test 
INFJ Personality Type Info
INFP Personality Type Info
About the Four Temperaments
The Four Temperaments Test
Top Brain Bottom Brain
Top Brain Bottom Brain Test

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