Monday, November 12, 2012

Not So Blue Monday #17: Speaking to Shadows

Every so often I get swallowed by a "depression" of sorts. I use quotes because I don't want to get use to claiming the depression as mine. Sometimes it slides up on me slowly like and approaching thunderstorm. I can see it coming and kind of get myself ready to face it... batten down my hatches and whatnot.  Other times it crashes down like a tornado with no warning... no heads up and I'm floored.

Today is a gloomy, rainy, soggy kind of day.  These are the days that, if given opportunity, will chain me to the bed without a second thought. The kind of day when I expect some unwelcome company to saunter up next to me and make its home in my hair.

This afternoon, as I was heading back to work after lunch, I felt it come up behind me. Imagine walking down a sidewalk and someone comes out and starts walking behind you.  They don't make a sound, but you know they're there.  That's what it's like.  Normally, I get anxious, but today I started talking to 'her' and laid down some rules.  I told 'her' that she can stay with me and can make me feel melancholy or whatever, but she is not allowed to floor me.  If she agrees to the terms she can hang out with me today.  So I got in the car and continued talking to 'her' like there was someone riding in the backseat. (As I'm writing this, I realize that it makes me sound rather crazy, but bear with me.) I told 'her' that she will need a name... I'm probably going to end up calling her something typical like Melancholia... *shrug*

Anyway, the funny thing about the whole situation is that after I told 'her' what she can and cannot do, I felt better.  I'm not feeling anywhere as down as I expected. I told Lamar about this experience and he said I felt better because I took ownership of 'her' and didn't fight.  Then after getting off the phone with him, I noticed that there was the best break in the dreary, cloudy sky.  So I pulled over to snap a picture.

I woke up in sort of a tizzy this morning. Late for work, feeling off, tripping over dogs... it was a snowball of unfortunate rolling downhill.  But I'm glad to say that even when it seems that 50 million little things are doing their best to pull you down, the sun (quite literally) still comes out. :)

At the time of the photo I was around the corner from work, and when I got onto campus, the sun was peeking out as well. I wanted to take another picture, but I was already late returning... I've really got to work on my timeliness.

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