My 29th birthday was last Tuesday. Lamar planned out a full day of activities and it was awesome. I'll write about the day later :) Now, aside from the excited "it's my birthday" feelings, the day also brought some sobering thoughts. Well... I shouldn't say 'sobering' because that sounds too sad. It brought thoughts of thankfulness and awe.
The day after my birthday, I was driving to work and began reflecting on the many things that God carried me through during my 20's. I thought about my first experience with depression in college. I remembered how the simple act of staying awake became a massive task and things like crossing a street became life and death actions. I remembered many nights spent crying or just laying on the floor... feeling like I was physically in a hole and unable to get out. It was around this time that a friend told me to lift my hand up to heaven and ask God for comfort. At first it sounded silly, but one day, in tears, I sat outside with my hand in the air until I felt the lightest brush against it. And that was the comfort I needed. Another time, I remembered laying on my dorm room floor in the fetal position coming to the conclusion that it was okay if I didn't wake up the next day. In that moment, I felt like I was being hugged and it brought me so much peace. I can recall numerous instances when I know that God was comforting me, speaking to me, or giving me a measure of peace. Now of course, as I replayed memory after memory, I started praising God for His care throughout those times.
It's so amazing that the God of the universe cares about me. I mean think about that. The God of the universe and all that is, ever was, and ever will be cares about you :) He knows your name. He knows my name. As I turned these thoughts over in my head, this song came to mind.
Who am I, that the God of all the Earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart?
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still you hear me when I'm calling
Lord you catch me when I'm falling
And you've told me who I am
I am yours...
That... right there... is the blessing of reaching another birthday. It gives another opportunity to thank God for loving me & protecting me & comforting me & carrying me & saving me & keeping me & allowing me to be able to share my testimony that God, my God, is Powerful. He is a mighty, yet loving, warrior who fights my battles. He defends me when my struggles try to flatten me. He gives me hope.
Happy 29th birthday to me :)