"I understand what it means to be impatient for your dream to take rood and grow. Even though I knew from my own experience how important patience was, once I sold that first novel, I found myself in a competitive trap, walking faster and faster on a treadmill, comparing my career with others', wanting what they had. Eventually, I discovered the need for balance, for insight and emotional strength. I made it my goal to enjoy every step of the journey instead of being greedy for more and more."Strangely enough, while reading this bit I kept thinking about my gardening experience. More often than not I am grumbling about the slow going of raising a container garden. I'm comparing myself to my friends that have these beautiful, flourishing gardens that seemingly grow effortlessly. There are veggies everywhere and even surprise sweet potatoes that pop up while weeding! It's like everyone else is literally seeing the fruits of their labor, and here I am struggling. I'm plodding along trying to keep the pests at bay and praying everyday for ONE cucumber. Just one! I think, if my plant bears one cucumber I'll know I'm not a failure. If my plant bears one cucumber I'll know I didn't waste my time and money. If my plant bears just one. single. solitary. cucumber I'll know that I can accomplish that new thing I set out to do. I just need that one cucumber...
I'll be honest, I don't know how to balance wanting my garden to succeed and enjoying the journey. It's very hard to say "I am glad to be doing this" when there seems to be no forward motion. It's hard to enjoy the journey when the road is so full of potholes and setbacks.
This is my life.
Constantly wondering if my time is being wasted. Thinking if I land that one job everything will be right. It is a balancing act. Very true. Walking a tightrope between dreams and reality... between what I want and what I have... what I want to be and what I am. I wish I could tie this post up with a neat bow, a happy ending... some wonderful epiphany about how the light switch flipped and suddenly I understood exactly how to walk that rope, but I can't. I just have to wait and see what grows.
At least cucumber flowers are pretty.