To The Provider, The Sustainer. To He Who is able to do Everything.

To The Provider, The Sustainer. To He Who is able to do Everything.

In the midst of trouble
I am calling out to You
I know you have promised to take care of Your children
I know this is true because You cannot lie
You are He who is able to do everything
All things
Anything
The most powerful God who Sees me
You know my ups and downs
You know how I feel in a moment
You know how I will feel in the next
Please look down on us and provide a way for us to maintain
My God, You are the sustainer of our home and our lives
You have already seen the end from the beginning
And I recognize that it is my responsibility to have faith in Your plan
Help me when my faith waivers I ask
Help me to trust in You
I give all praise to You
Praise be to God - The Most Merciful, The Provider and Sustainer
Praise be to God who is able to do all things.

Gallivanting Files: Diverse Word Poetry Slam

Hi there :)

Tuesday night I did something I haven't done in QUITE some time.  I went to a poetry slam with my roommate and one of her friends :)

Now I must say it started off slow and a bit... meh... but then it picked up and the poets were really awesome.  I kept feeling myself getting giddy and wanting to get up and perform something.  My mind kept flashing back to the days when I was a regular fixture on any available poetry stage.  I always participated in cyphers and could be found writing poem after poem in notebooks, on class notes, my hands, anything.  Poetry was such a huge part of my life, but for some reason a few years after graduating college, I just stopped.

You know when you were really known for something when years and years later people are still asking "Do you still write?" or saying "You should start writing again." 

The clencher for the whole evening for me was the last poet.  He was like 20 years old which made me remember being his age and totally submerged in poetry.  I could see how much his poems moved through him and how he got into them.  I miss that.  His last poem was about using your talents even when you don't feel like it.  It was along the lines of use it before you lose it.  I totally felt like he was preaching directly to me... Needless to say, I want get back into writing again.  I miss having that passion/outlet in my life.

Soo... don't be confused if I start posting random poems on here, K ^.^

Poem 2 of 100

Hey there ^.^

Yesterday there wasn't much to write about except work was pleasant.  I had some good sales and met some nice people.  Umm... what else... I'm sort of considering joining the Mood Blanket 2014 project, but not sure if I really want to do it yet.

During our lunch break, I told my coworker Erica about my 100 Days challenge, and she chose my prompt for the day.

Here is poem 2 of 100.
~~~~~
Form: Free Verse
Topic: Erica

I see her
full of laughter
and kindness
and honesty
and maybe a bit less tact
than preferred

She speaks loudly
smiles often
and humors my
quirks

I think
good coworkers are hard to find
I guess I should tell her
She's a blessing
~~~~~
I'm not sure how I'm going to post these poems...  should I post them everyday or wait til the end of the week and post then?  I feel like that will be easier and be less like poetry spam on the blog. We'll see :)  Oh and I'm super excited that I got a few prompts from Facebook which is cool.  It's nice to have my friends involved in this project.

I hope your Friday is starting off nicely.  Peace!

New Year, New Project

Happy New Year y'all!  I hope you brought in the year with the people you love.

Recently Lamar & I read an article about quantity being a better route to better quality (article HERE) which lead us to a page about learning something or practicing something for 100 days (check it out HERE).  He suggested I write a poem a day as my 100 day challenge.  And I, being ever the lover of poetic forms, added that to the mix.  So my challenge is to write a poem, every day, for the next 100 days, in one of 14 forms on any topic.  I'm excited and nervous because I haven't written in soooo long that it's like getting back in touch with an old friend that you let things fall off with... you know??

Anywho, today Lamar chose form #7-Kyrielle and told me to write about loving a sports fan. 

Kyrielle: A French form of rhyming poetry written in quatrains (a stanza consisting of 4 lines), and each quatrain contains a repeating line or phrase as a refrain (usually appearing as the last line of each stanza). Each line within the poem consists of only eight syllables. There is no limit to the amount of stanzas a Kyrielle may have, but three is considered the accepted minimum. (from ShadowPoetry) 

So here is poem 1 of 100. 

~~~~~
-Untitled-
Basketball, football, volleyball
Sacks, passes, trying not to fall
These things are the music at hand
When you really love a sports fan

He coaches teams and watches games
And wants you to come cheer his name
You go tho may misunderstand
When you really love a sports fan

Eventually you'll learn the rules
And be crocheting at the schools
Yelling at the refs from the stands
When you really love a sports fan
~~~~~
What would you do as a 100 days 100 things project?  Also, give me a number 1-14 & a topic for a future poem. That would be cool.

Poems and New Music (Thanks Shakti!)

So Shakti left a link to the song "Addict with a Pen" by Twenty One Pilots on my self-injury post and I really like it. There's a part that seriously compelled me to write. It goes:

"but you specialize in dying
you hear me screaming father
and I'm lying here just crying
so wash me with your water"

I put the song on repeat to see what it would channel out and this piece started coming.  Then I thought of a student I met at the last poetry show I was in (I did half of a poem about depression, but had a panic attack and didn't finish it- I'll share it soon).  He came up to me after the show and said that my piece touched him because he suffers from depression too and it's reassuring to know that he's not alone in it.  He gave me a hug and I wanted to cry.

Anyway, as I was writing tonight, he came to mind so I spoke to him.  When I finished the piece, I read it back and definitely cried.  I hope you can feel it.  And if you know anyone struggling, share this with them.

-Untitled-

this isn't so much for me as it is for
-you-
sometimes you bleed to remember life
and recite common things
colors of trees
to make sure you haven't lost it
-you-
pass through each day
missed by everyone around
none to hear you
they don't see you
-scars-
self inflicted slits gracing wrists and
thighs and

fleshy parts
-you-
never press deep enough though
burn just enough to feel the sizzle
drag blade teasingly to pull the blood to the surface
desperately trying to bring yourself back to
-life-

These are the lies it tells you:
YOU'RE ALONE
NO ONE will understand
they'll think you're CRAZY
YOU ARE CRAZY
NO ONE cares
you're too BROKEN
YOU'RE ALONE
 

but I've felt that - feel that
have heard those same lines
filled my nights with wailings
those heaving heavy tears

that come up from the base of your spine
called out to God so many times
only to find myself crumpled outside a church
palms to heaven

face to earth
willing God to come down and touch me
hold me
me- this speck of dust
awash in the expanse of the universe
"but you specialize in dying
you hear me screaming father
and I'm lying here just crying
so wash me with your water"

i had a vision once
i was standing on a cliff
my toes over the edge
and everything in my rational being said
jump
it made perfect sense
so i did
hoping the earth would embrace me
sweetly kiss me swallow me
but instead
i landed
suspended above everything
my left hand traced a lifeline heartline

knees rested on callused skin of a carpenter's son
he caught me

as my right hand slipped through a ragged hole
he caught me
held me up as my sorrow slid through that same hole
he held me
kept me from killing myself too many nights
just so i could get up and say

you are not alone

Here's the song. Thanks again, Shakti, for sharing this with me. It felt good. :)

~Peace to you~

Crafterweekend! (Crafternoon #19)

We had an Art&Soul (poetry club) weekend at the apt this weekend.  It was all chill time, creative time, get to know your family time, and foodie time.  Sabbath we initially were going to go up to Green Mountain, but when everyone woke up we slowly started talking about our favorite poets and then listening to said poets.  With the poetry filling the atmosphere, it was only a matter of time before we all got writing or something.  It actually turned into a craftermorning/crafternoon.  We had the pull-out bed out and it was covered with jewelry makings and beads and yarn. It was a lovely crafty cacophony of awesomeness. I snapped some pictures in between working on a scarf.  So here they be:

It's been a while since the group has gotten together to just hang out.  Normally it's a business meeting or getting ready for a show or something like that. So it's really good for the fam to get to spend chill time with each other and strengthen the friendships within.

In the first picture, I'm working on a scarf for myself.  Originally it was suppose to be an offset cable scarf, but I didn't like how it was working up so I frogged it and reworked it into a granny stripe (my favorite scarf makin' pattern ever!)

The cable idea.  To be recreated at a later time.

Frogged & Reborn.  It's like 5+ feet long I think...o.o

The yarn I used for the scarf is one I haven't used in the past.  I really only picked it up because it was on sale for $1.99 and it's normally priced at $4.49. So I feel like this was the best time to try it out. And it's so soft! It's one of those yarns that feels different in a ball than it does worked up.  So of course, I went back to Michaels and picked up a few more balls before the sale ended, and super lucky me, the cashier told me about a 25% off coupon that applied to sale items too! Wins for me!  Now my Art&Soul friends are saying that I'm a yarn hoarder and that I have an addiction.  I beg to differ.  I use the yarn.  So it's not hoarded.  It's a craft stash and I'm perfectly fine with non-crafters and occasional crafters who don't understand the purpose of a "stash".  Now just to drive my point home- yes, I got six more balls of that yarn; no, I don't have a project immediately in mind; yes, I'm glad I bought them. Why? Because I paid $9.67 for $29.10 worth of yarn.  You saved $19.43!

Anywho, I got a bright sunny yellow and white.  I want to do chevrons.  I didn't get enough for a blanket... and I don't want it to be a chevron scarf...  Any suggestions?  Also, I've been fiddling around with my blog design and whatnot... do you think my pictures are too big?

Follow-up to "Dreams"

-Untitled-
When I was young
I dreamed of being an artist

I wanted to paint
saw me covered in colors
wanted to be van gogh or maybe dali
but sometimes brushes choked on the concepts
so i painted with my hands
dipped in too many colors
swirling them together onto papers
mixing
they always looked like dreams
or reality seen from squinted eyes

i wanted to sculpt
saw me elbow deep in clay
sculpting images pulled from my eyelids
i longed to show the world something
wanted to mold these handmade mysteries
the things seen when my eyes close
sought to offer them up as tributes
to unseen muses
my hands always coated with dust
proof of my existence

i wanted to create
channel the only divine thing these mortal hands can do
i wanted to touch
something
to be
something
but somewhere along the years
this creation dream became impractical
no parent wants their daughter to be
a starving artist
they said get a degree and work hard
behind a desk
9-5
mon thru fri
weekends off
repeat
this is responsible baby
and practical honey
and adult sweetie
creation is just a hobby
it will never feed you

and i listened
muscled through 4 years of university
and graduated with a bachelors degree
still housing a spirit drawn to create

you see
dreams deferred dont shrivel
they are no raisins in the sun
these are massive planets exploding
reshaping universes when theyre done

these days the weight of those dreams
falls on me like crushing boulders
knocking wind from fleshy lungs
cracking back my folded shoulders

broken open my heart and spirit
daylight flowing in as streams
fresh air cultivating promises
baby-
dont let go of those dreams

Dreams

Good Morning

Today I'm feeling some kind of heaviness.  It's a bit indescribable and hard to put my finger on. It's a bit anxious and a bit like breath... not being knocked out, but pulled... I have pesky tears in my eyes threatening but without a specific reason I will them not to fall...

I dreamed about this poem last night.

Sometimes the hardest place to be

Is right where youre suppose to be

And I know I asked to be in His will

But sometimes when He leads He blocks the light

And I can't see what's in front of me

You see I'm afraid of the dark

But I know there's an oasis out there waiting for me

But to get there then

I have to be here now

And this aint easy...