Dear Me: Advice to My Younger Self

Dear Younger Caleisha,
One day when time travel is actually a thing, I'll send you this letter of advice.

1. You are beautiful.

Beauty is more than just looking pretty on the outside.  Beauty is something that radiates from within... and I'm not just saying that to be cliche.  I mean being honest, trustworthy, kind, and loving are more admirable and desirable than just a pretty face. 

2. Tears don't equal weakness so allow yourself to cry.

Honestly, this is something you will still be struggling with at 29.  You don't always have to be 'the strong one.'  It's totally ok to cry when you're hurting or sad or confused.  Keeping in all those tears is stressful and they're way better out than in.

3. Don't stop writing.

In 7th grade, you write your first poem and you keep writing all the way through college.  After graduation you have a hard time reconciling spending time writing against working or job hunting or 'being a grownup.'  That is foolishness! Keep writing. Don't put down the pen because expressing yourself in poem form isn't like riding a bike.  You will struggle to get back on.

4. Don't take negativity personally.

People are going to say some really awful things to you in high school.  They're tell you that you will fail in the things you set out to do.  They'll discourage you and you will believe them.  DONT. You can do whatever you want.  Just because a particular thing happened in your family doesn't mean it will replay for you. 

5. Appreciate your ablitlity to perform your poetry on stage.

After graduating college you develop quite a lot of anxiety issues.  It makes it hard to get on stage and perform without having a panic attack.  You do learn how to recognize when an attack is coming, and will still read, but it's way harder than it was during college.  Appreciate the calm that you feel when you're inside the performance of a poem... when it's just you, the words, the mic, and the spotlight.  Savor that flow.  Maybe one day it'll come back.

6. Any depression you go through will one day inspire someone.

You won't like to call it, but you have a few fights with depression during your college years.  You think that you're hiding it from your friends, but you aren't. They all see your struggle.  Toward the end of your senior year, one of your friends will tell you how seeing your fight inspires her.  She tells you how you showed her that there is always hope and that you can get through anything.  I realize that the knowledge that someone is blessed by your struggle doesn't make the struggle easier, but it does make it mean something.

7. Heartbreak is inevitable.

You get your heart broken. A couple times. And not just by boyfriends... family... friends... life.  But it's ok because every heart break comes with a lesson.  Some lessons you realize right away.  Some you are still trying to figure out what the heck they were. lol.

8. Don't worry so much about not dating until college because your husband is wonderful.

In high school, you do a lot of fretting about all your friends having boyfriends and you didn't.  There are many many melancholy journal entries about being sad and single.  But don't you worry!  After a few boyfriends and kinda-boyfriends you meet Lamar.  During the time the two of you are dating, he gives you a card that says 'I love our weird love.'  He is for you. Nuff said.  And lemme tell you, you walk down the aisle to "God Bless the Broken Road" and that song was written for you and him. 

9. You'll find some amazing friends that stick by you through thick and thin.

Through all those things I've told you thus far, your real friends stick by you.  And it's really commendable because you are kinda a bee-otch in the midst of your depression.  But anywho, they love you and they understand.  

10. God will always be there for you.  He'll be there when you sink to your lowest and also when you soar to your highest.  Always pray, listen, believe, and have faith.

What else can be said about this?  When you're younger, God is an abstract idea taught by your parents. After your experiences in college, He becomes a real being.  In particular, one night in your dorm room you end up curled in the fetal position crying and you feel a warm hug and a peace... You meet God for real at the bottom of a hole and He is everything.

So yeah little Caleisha.  Take these things to heart.  Life is a crazy thing.  But every experience is a blessing.  You are awesome and I love you.  Keep being your artsy-fartsy self. 

Finally I'm Finished: Furniture Rehab Pt. 2

A couple weeks ago, I introduced you to my current furniture rehab for the backyard. [Read that post Here]  At that time I had finished the repainting phase and was heading out to choose fabric for the cushions. I went to my local fabric & craft store to browse the canvas prints and setteled on a bold stripe pattern after pulling a few options.  It's fun but not obnoxious and masculine without being boring.

To make the ottoman covers, I measured the old cushions and added half an inch for seam allowance.  I ended up needing four 19"x19" squares and 8 19"x4" rectangles.  Next, was the cutting & piecing together.

The original cushions were quite old and ratty.  One had a tear in it and when I took off the fabric, there was definitely a dead lizard in there.  *ugh*  Suffice it to say I thoroughly washed the foam inserts and sent them through the dryer on sanitize.

I'm just realizing that I didn't take any pictures of of the cushion covers for the folding chairs... -___-  Anywho, I bought a couple throw pillows from the thrift store and took out some of the stuffing so they weren't so big.  I made two envelope style pillow covers which took me way too long... but when I finally finished them, they were pretty good looking.  When all the sewing was done, the new cushions got a few coats of waterproofer and put into place.

TA-DA!!!! They are Kiva and Tootie approved!  I'm really happy with how they came out and I cannot wait until Lamar and I get to spend some time outside in the evenings. I just have to get some new citronella candles to keep those pesky skeeters away. :)

This is officially the completion of my first furniture refinishing on my 30 Before 30 list!  It feels really great to be able to check something off.  Originally, I only planned to do one furniture refinishing project, but I think I want to do more.  It's fun and I get to give the pieces a new life.

Lastly, I love this picture of Tootie sitting on just the edge of the cushion.  She's such a weirdo, but I love her anyway :)

Baby Blanket Makin

A couple of our friends are expecting their first baby this coming May, so as is my custom, I decided to make them a gift.  First, I did a little sleuthing on their baby registry to see what colors they were fancying.  They don't know the gender of the baby yet, so the majority of the items were earth-toned.  Then, I hopped over to Biscuits & Jam to use their random stripes generator.  BTW that tool is stinkin' awesome!  I decided to go with a simple stitch to take a backseat to the stripe pattern.

Crocheting on the floor in the children's section of Barnes & Noble.

The colors I chose were green & brown, with a light and dark yarn in each.  I spent a few days working on the blanket, and when I finally got to the weaving in all the tails stage... people kept saying, "oh! are they having a boy?"  So that basically told me my color scheme was definitely NOT gender neutral... womp womp womp.  Back to the drawing board.

My next color scheme idea was to remove the dark brown and dark green and replace them.  I also wanted to add in white and grey.  These were the new options.  I posted this picture on instagram to poll which color scheme to do.  The consensus was to go with the white/grey/yellow/green option.

Left: white, grey, green, yellow
Right: white, grey, tan, yellow

So I have restarted the blanket.  I think the biggest change in the construction of this piece is my foundation row.  Normally to start a large piece like this, you chain a certain amount & then go back and stitch into the chains.  Instead of doing that, I decided to try using the chainless foundation technique.  SO. MUCH. BETTER!  I think it's fair to say, I'll be using that foundation method regularly.  :)  Wish me luck as I try to speed through this second version of this blanket.

Gas Tank Empty, Blessing Tank Full

Running out of gas is one of THE most frustrating things that can happen to a driver.  Trying to get to a station asap and running out a stone's throw away from one and not being able to get the car restarted is even more frustrating.  This was me Tuesday afternoon.

I got off work early and planned to stop at walmart before heading to yoga class.  As I neared the intersection, my car puttered to a stop and I thought "uh-oh... lemme snatch across this road and stop at that 7-eleven right there!"  I was able to get the car restarted and successfully crossed over all 3 lanes. Then the light turned red... and my car turned off.  Like good night and good luck off.  I called Lamar and he was soon on the way.

I sat dead in the road for like 20 minutes, during which 2 people stopped and asked me if help was on the way, and a third actually got out of his car and pushed mine out of the road into a nearby parking lot.  Yay for good samaritans!  The whole situation had me feeling quite helpless... a damsel in distress if you will, but much less glamorous.  Lamar arrived maybe 15 minutes later with a can of gas and we were on our way home!  Hurray!

While I was in the midst of the rush hour traffic, I felt myself getting more and more anxious.  But instead of letting  my tightening chest get the better of me, I counted my blessings.

1. I got all the way over to the right lane.
2. Lamar is on spring break so he was home instead of an hour+ away in Clermont.
3. I was walking distance to a gas station.
4. I got off early so all this happened before sunset.
5. Kind strangers still exist.
6. I got some unexpected writing time.
7. After gassing up the car, Lamar and I had an impromptu pizza dinner.

What have I learned from this? Always count your blessings, and the gas light is NOT a suggestion! lol! Have a great day!

Historical Longwood, Florida in Photographs

Item number 6 on my 30 Before 30 list is "Photograph 3 historical downtown areas."  The first of my excursions was into the city of Longwood.  Inititally, I discovered Longwood while looking for a place to rent things for our wedding last year.  I accidentally turned down a road to find a quaint downtown area.  I had a wonderful hour strolling the streets and looking at the different architecture.  The only mistake I made was not taking any allergy meds before all the gallivanting, lol!  This pollen filled spring air is NO joke!  Anywho, enjoy the photos!

Here we have some signage and the Longwood Clock Tower.  I found it funny that it shows 2 different times ^.^

Near the Longwood Police station is the Hero's Park.  It's dedicated to men and women of our military and services.

I really like the thoughtful design of this memorial.  The middle piece is meant to be a shadow.  The empty space on either side represent the World Trade Centers that are no longer there and the reflecting pool is a pentagon.  The brown piece of metal on the middle column is a piece of the WTC engraved with the date. 

The Bradlee Mcintyre House

Such an adorable church! I feel like the inside smells like wood polish or something... does that even make sense??  I love how all the colors pop in the first photo.  The red door and brick road and then the green trees against the awesomely blue sky.  So picturesque...

I hope you liked the photos I've chosen... to be honest, I took around 100 shots and I'm super proud of myself for being able to curate the lot down to seven. I think they communicate the historic/small town vibe I was getting while visiting.  I'm considering printing some of them for my portfolio.  Anywho, have a wonderful day!

Create A Set: Furniture Rehab pt. 1

One of the shows that Lamar and I like watching together is Flea Market Flip.  It's a show where two teams compete to buy/refinish/sell items from the flea market.  They are given an hour to shop and a list of 3 projects to complete.  The team that makes the most profit on their re-imagined and refinished pieces wins.  It's a fun show to watch and if you haven't seen it yet, check it out.  One of the projects is called "Create a Pair" where the teams have to find pieces that don't go together and make them into a matching set.  This was my inspiration for the following project.

Before multiple cans of spray paint.

I found the two metal folding chairs at my local thrift store for $2.99 each and since they were in good condition and a convenient size, I figured they would be great for outdoor use.  Since we currently have zilch on the outdoor furniture front, these got thumbs up all around.  The other part of my 'create a set' is a couple of ottomans I found out on the curb in the trash.  The metal bases were intact, but the cushions needed some TLC.  Side note, I'm always on the look out for cool pieces that other people are throwing away.  Most times, I find that they can be revived with some cleaning and imagination.

Babe even got in on the painting fun.  Although any drippy spots are totally his fault ^.^

Before and After of my ottoman bottoms.  I really like the cream color.  Nice and neutral.  Ready for a bright cushion!

So far I have cleaned and painted the chairs and ottomans.  It's really awesome to see how a couple coats of spray paint will change up the entire look of an item.  The next step is to get the supplies together to create the cushions.  I'm thinking a bold stripe fabric for a bit of fun... We'll see how it goes!

So Shall We Ever Be

Whenever I see a sunset like this, or the sun breaks through the clouds just so, I can't help but think of Jesus returning.

For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:  Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.  1 Thessalonians 4:16-17

How Does Your Garden Grow

Last Friday I started my first garden!  I spent a couple days prior gathering supplies: seeds, pots, soil, seed starters, etc.  Currently, my garden has lemon balm and spearmint plants, and I'm starting the rest from seeds.  I'll *hopefully* have basil, broccoli, cucumbers, green beans, lavender, rosemary, and spinach.  I am also attempting to start a chinese plum (loquat) plant from seeds from my in-laws' tree. *fingers crossed* My mom and Lamar think I should grow tomatoes... but as I don't like them, I am still undecided on that front.  Writing all this out just now makes me sound suuuper ambitious, but hey, go big or go home... right?!

These are the potted Lemon Balm & Spearmint plants.

The lemon balm and spearmint are supposedly good for teas.  I really wanted peppermint, but couldn't find any, so gonna make this spearmint work.  When I get the plants more settled, I'll try making the tea.  I'm excited to taste whole leaf from my garden tea ^.^

Here are the finished pots, pods, & jars.

It's been a long time since I've done any gardening, so getting my hands in the dirt and planting each seed was nicely satisfying.  I felt like I was tucking each seed into a wee little bed ^.^  Anywho, a few of them have already sprouted, as you can see.  I'm very excited to watch them continue to grow. And I'm pretty sure that the first salad I have with my own veggies will be the best salad ever! lol

Sprouts!!

Of course I couldn't plant a garden without DIYing some cute labels :)

Thumbs up for jumping into my 30before30 garden and all the work it'll need!  It's going to be fun ^.^

Lion King Sunrise

I was in a waiting room verrrry early yesterday.  I mean like sun-still-sleep-early.  Anyway, the waiting room had a wall of windows with the prettiest view of a lake and -as luck would have it- the sunrise.

Now under normal circumstances, I rarely ever see the sunrise unless I didn't go to sleep the night before.  So seeing this one was a treat and the photographer in me couldn't simply watch.  It was really cool watching the sky go from black all the way to daylight.  I don't think I ever knew exactly how fast the sun comes up.  I mean, I could literally see it moving up in the sky!

I may have (honestly and truly) struggled not to sing the beginning of Circle of Life out loud.  But please believe, I was singing and dancing in my head ^.^  Here are the pictures.  Feel free to play Circle of Life in the background as you scroll ;-)

Have a great day!

What I Want in Life... According to Facebook

This morning I was scrolling down my Facebook timeline, as you do, and I came across this crossword.  The title said the first three words you find are what you want in life.  I glanced around it and saw these words: time, happiness, friends.

Of course that got me thinking about what I actually want in life.  And I'd say those three words are pretty accurate.

Time:
A long time ago, I was complaining to my dad about not having enough time to do something.  He said, "It's not that you don't have the time, you didn't TAKE the time."  So I want to Take time for specific things.  Time for working.  Time to learn new things.  Time to enjoy hobbies.  Time to build relationships.  Time to observe.  Time to reflect.  Time to have fun with Lamar.  Time to visit family and friends.   Time appreciate this life I have.

Happiness:
I think happiness is one of the most simple things we want from life.  I want to be happy at home and at work.  I want my happiness to be spilled out onto others.  I want my family to be happy.  And even when I have down days or weeks or whatever, I want to always remember that happiness is not something that just happens- it has to be consciously cultivated.  So as long as I have it somewhere in my mind to be happy, then it will come.

Friends:
Friends and Family relationships are very important to me. Even though I'm rather introverted in social settings, I cling wholeheartedly to the people I consider to be friends.  These are the people who I share common ground with, they accept me and my quirks, and we spend time together doing whatever.  Some of these friends have seen me at my lowest and stuck by me.  They encouraged me and helped me get through particularly dark times.  I'm very blessed to be able to say I have such awesome friends.  (Hugs and love to all you guys!)

Don't you love when a random thing on Facebook causes you to really think about life? ^.^ What were your 3 words?

30 Before 30

A couple days before my birthday I decided that I wanted to make a "30 things I want to do before I turn 30"  list.  The idea has come to mind a few times in the past, but I never made any kind of bucket-ish list.  I figured that the last year of my 20s should be spent doing ^.^  I mean I could develop some good habits, improve some skills, discover a new passion, and make a ton of memories.  Who knows! So I sat down and jotted out this list.  I will admit that it didn't all come to me easily - I had to do some googling and read some other people's lists for inspiration, but after a couple days I was done.  I've also broken the list down into categories.  And here it is ^.^

 
                           Mental, Physical, Spiritual Health

• Read the Bible
  I plan to read the Bible and record my favorite texts or passages from each book.  This may overlap my birthday, but that's ok because this is something that I really need to do.
• Finish 20 books
  Last year, I set a goal to finish 15 books.  I finished up with 18.  I think that sets me up well for this year.
• Yoga-cise regularly
  I'm sadly out of shape... not overweight or anything, but I get winded running up the steps.  I want to build healthy habits so that whenever Lamar and I have kids, I'll be able to pass those habits on to them.
• Volunteer at an animal shelter
  When I lived in Huntsville, I would go to the animal shelter and just visit with the dogs.  It makes me feel good to kind of give back to the dogs less fortunate than Kiva & Tootie :)
• Do a split
  I have always wanted to be able to do a split.  That's about it to this one.

                           Craft-Blog-DIY

• Etsy for real
  I started my Etsy shop, The Light Crochet, within the last year and I definitely dropped it by the wayside.  So I want to get back to it and actually make and list pieces.  Wish me luck!
• Finish the quilt
  I started a proper patchwork quilt back in June 2012 and it's still not finished.  ::shameface::
• Crochet a sweater, a church shawl, and a top
  Most of my crochet projects are things like blankets, accessories, hats, and whatnot. So I want to learn to make other more usable things and try my hand at making clothing.
• Reupholster/Refinish a piece of furniture
  Lamar and I love watching the show "Flea Market Flip" and we're always saying how we could do a lot of the refinishing they do.  I'm planning to stop talking about it and be about it. Yep. Bringing out the power tools!
• Organize a yarn bombing
  I think I'm gonna plan on doing something for International Yarn Bomb day in June.  Or maybe I'll participate in another Sheepish Yarn Bomb or a Love bomb or something along those lines.
• Make a few Youtube videos
  This is another of those things I talk about doing, but I haven't done because I don't think I'm interesting enough.  So I'm going to record some of these goals as I go along.  That way my family and friends can follow along with me.  I think that's a good reason to make videos.  Plus watching old videos is fun.
• View an exhibit at the Orlando Museum of Art
  I want to go just because I've never been.  When I was in college, students could go to the Huntsville Art Museum every Friday for like $5 and I never went.  That's four years of Fridays! I totally wasted those opportunities.
  
• Blog regularly
  Writing is a lot of fun for me and I really enjoyed when I was blogging more consistently.  Plus the more you write the better you become at it.

                           Photography

• Photograph 3 historical downtown areas
  I want to explore/photograph areas like Mt. Dora, Longwood, and Orlando.
• Complete 3-6 photo shoots
  This one is pretty much self-explanatory.
• Complete 3-6 photo stories
  I'm defining a 'photo story' as a group of pictures that tell a story in a journalistic way.
• Build print and online portfolios
  This absolutely MUST be done.  More of my friends and church members are asking me about photography and it will be awesome to be able to show them an updated portfolio of my work.

                           Suzie Homemaker Skills

• Make sushi & French macarons
  This is here because I love treating myself to these two things every so often and when I do I always think that I should just make them at home.  I know macarons have the reputation of being super difficult, but I really think I'll be able to make them.
• Plant an herb garden
  I know I want mint, rosemary, and basil to start. In my mind I have a long window box with my herbs growing in the kitchen window of Lamar and my future home. :)
• Eat and Eat Better
  I always forget to eat when I'm out and about.  I spend too much money on fast food when I'm completely capable of making food at home and carrying it to work with me.  Plus, this is another good habit to pass on to our kids.
• Make and keep a cleaning schedule
  Must. Regularly. Clean.  A clean home/space definitely helps me feel more positive and clear mentally.
  

                           Make Memories with Lamar

• Learn to play Bless the Broken Road on guitar
  This is the song I walked down the aisle to.  It would be awesome to be able to play and sing it to Lamar *.*  (yeah... just marinate in that cuteness!)
• Hike Wekiwa Springs
  Lamar and I use to go hiking on Monte Sano in Huntsville and we havent done anything like that since being in Florida.  I also hear that Wekiwa Springs state park is just great by itself.
• Go zip-lining
  I'm sure I'll be scared, but it'll be fun.  Lamar and I accidentally discovered a zip-lining place at the Sanford Zoo... I think it was Sanford.
• Do the paddleboats at Lake Eola
  Another cutesy thing I want to do with mah boo ^.^
• Go to Rebounderz
  Rebounderz is a place that has trampolines on the floors and walls.  They also have basketball hoops.  I want to take pictures of Lamar dunking.  Those photos will be EPIC!
  
• Go to CityArts Factory for a comedy
  I found this place on a list of free things to do in Orlando.  We dubbed Wednesday nights as date night and I'd like to start doing more new/out of the box things together.
  
• Write songs for our future kids
  Lamar has been asking me to write a song with him for a reeeally long time, and I think it would be awesome if we had a specially lullaby to sing to our kids.  I also want to write a good morning song and a soothing song. 
• Visit and review 6 hole-in-the-wall restaurants
  This is another of Lamar's ideas and another thing we talk about doing but have yet to do.  Being that he's such a foodie and whenever we go out to eat we end up sounding like the judges table on Chopped, this should be a fun activity.

                           Because... Why Not?

• Learn to juggle
  Yes.  I will juggle.  Then I will go to the studio and get my picture taken while juggling.  That will be awesome!

And that's my list!  I've already spent a week doing nothing on said list, so I'm gonna go now and watch a video on juggling ^.^

Hello 29 ^.^

Hi there!

My 29th birthday was last Tuesday.  Lamar planned out a full day of activities and it was awesome.  I'll write about the day later :)  Now, aside from the excited "it's my birthday" feelings, the day also brought some sobering thoughts.  Well... I shouldn't say 'sobering' because that sounds too sad.  It brought thoughts of thankfulness and awe.

The day after my birthday, I was driving to work and began reflecting on the many things that God carried me through during my 20's.  I thought about my first experience with depression in college.  I remembered how the simple act of staying awake became a massive task and things like crossing a street became life and death actions.  I remembered many nights spent crying or just laying on the floor... feeling like I was physically in a hole and unable to get out.  It was around this time that a friend told me to lift my hand up to heaven and ask God for comfort.  At first it sounded silly, but one day, in tears, I sat outside with my hand in the air until I felt the lightest brush against it.  And that was the comfort I needed.  Another time, I remembered laying on my dorm room floor in the fetal position coming to the conclusion that it was okay if I didn't wake up the next day.  In that moment, I felt like I was being hugged and it brought me so much peace.  I can recall numerous instances when I know that God was comforting me, speaking to me, or giving me a measure of peace. Now of course, as I replayed memory after memory, I started praising God for His care throughout those times.

It's so amazing that the God of the universe cares about me.  I mean think about that.  The God of the universe and all that is, ever was, and ever will be cares about you :)  He knows your name.  He knows my name.  As I turned these thoughts over in my head, this song came to mind.

Who am I, that the God of all the Earth

Would care to know my name

Would care to feel my hurt?

Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star

Would choose to light the way

For my ever wandering heart?

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

A vapor in the wind

Still you hear me when I'm calling

Lord you catch me when I'm falling

And you've told me who I am

I am yours...

That... right there... is the blessing of reaching another birthday.  It gives another opportunity to thank God for loving me & protecting me & comforting me & carrying me & saving me & keeping me & allowing me to be able to share my testimony that God, my God, is Powerful.  He is a mighty, yet loving, warrior who fights my battles.  He defends me when my struggles try to flatten me.  He gives me hope. 

Happy 29th birthday to me :)