In all honesty, today was streaked with blues. Tears were shed, anxiety was rampant, woe was me... I suppose it all started when I woke up late this morning. I slept thru all of my alarms (I really think my phone was on silent or something) and had to rush to work. I still got there before pretty much everybody, but that doesn't really matter. One of my coworkers asked me how my job search was going and if I had applied for any of the open positions at the University. So I told her I had, but didn't get any of them- which was a bummer of a conversation. The bulk of the cruddy feelings came around 11:30am when I was updating my Project 52 list. I realized that there are only 19 weeks left in this year. Only 19 weeks left in 2012... and I had this overwhelming rush of 'where has my life gone'... I thought about how there are so many things I'd love to be doing, so many things that evoke creativity... things I want to see, places I want to go, but I feel a bit trapped on my current chapter of life. I feel like someone is flipping the pages past me before I can fully experience them and soon the book is over...
So this afternoon I prayed and told God that I'm having a super hard time seeing where He wants me to be or go. I told Him I'm looking and looking for direction, but I just can't see it.
After I prayed this, I heard, quietly in the back of my mind,
"Then stop looking and listen."
So I tried. I tried to quiet my mind enough to hear whatever God wanted me to listen to. But if you've ever tried to do that, you know that as soon as you want to quiet everything down- that's when everything starts to get wound up. My mind went on chatterbox mode and silence was stinking impossible. I prayed my apologies to God and packed my things up to head home.
On the way home I decided to stop by Hobby Lobby to look at yarn. When I got inside, I walked a different way around the store and passed this sign:
"Caleisha, chill out. Trust Me and My plan. Your plans and perspective of your life is not what I see. Trust me and I will guide you, take care of you, and prosper you. You trust. I work."So I guess, all things considered, this was a Not So Blue Monday after all.